10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

Relationships often suffer hiccups caused among others by mistrust, lack of communication, monotony and boredom. Any of these reasons can create a crisis situation. Scarred by crisis unless repaired with tact and diplomacy can create an relationship. Here are ten ways to help you rebuild the rocky relationship.

1. Behavior and trust.

Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving.

2. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable.

I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat. Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos at times heated.

3. Make sure your words match the message.

Mean what you say and say what you mean. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that.

Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!

4. The truth maybe be bitter but is never destructive

With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.

5. Be extra careful of keeping secrets.

Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. Now, please. You do so without emotional charge.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly.

Be a little - no, a lot - self-centered.

Doesn't work. Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system.

Say to him: "I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?"

Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted?

Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

7. Trust in a relationship

You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. This more often than not creates trust barriers.
What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life?

8. Destructive behavior

You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop.

Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear?

9. Charge Neutral

When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Control your voice! It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship.

This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive.

Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt

Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures.

Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other would face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.

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